3-Month Rule: What happens After the Break Up?

3-Month Rule: is there really such a rule like this?

'Di naman talaga dapat maging attitude ng mag EX Na di magpansinan after their formal break up.. Bakit? Wala na bang space for friendship?Tandaan: Ang yelo pag naging tubig pwede maging yelo ulet “MOVE ON” but “DON’T MOVE AWAY.....

A quote from a facebook friend..i saw this post way back years ago and i think this is still a thought for some other people out there (especially teens-yeap, teens do have this some kind of thinking-and yes, i consider myself not a teen anymore -__- )

For a guy's point of view, i understand that they still want the friendship to stay..but come to think of it..
do guys really know how it feels for a girl to be friends with her ex-boyfriend?
Forgiveness will be given by the girl after all wounds are healed..but guys should not expect 'friendship' right after the break up..what do guys really expect? 'awkwardness' will be set aside for the sake of friendship? No girl can simply do that in just a snap.

There are also some guys out there who does not believe or are aware of the '3-Month Rule'.
All girls that had fallen in love and had their hearts broken know the number one rule for break up, and im not really sure if all the guys knew this - and this became famous when Popoy mentioned to Basha in one of lines regarding the "3-Months Rule" (famous characters from Filipino movie "One More Chance".

(Movie scene in its original language-Tagalog)

(Movie scene translated in English)

But this rule, for the record, did not came from any Philosophers, neither Psychologists, nor Confucius. I don't know from where and when it originated. I don't even know who on earth created this rule, seriously. Now, for those who doesn't know or not even aware what this rule is..well this is just so simple..after the break up, you have to give yourself 3 months:

1. to cry your heart out loud - even if you cry 24/7, nobody would care as long as it's within the period. 3 months is enough for you to cry for the the things that did not went right that caused on to losing someone you love. Crying is the least that someone can do during the weakest time of their life.
2. to be miserable - everyone will understand what you're going through. if you will be miserable for 3 months, it's okay. you lose someone you love that has been part of your life and it's not very easy to let go of the things you get used to because of him/her.
3. to grieve - to feel like someone died and the wanting to have them back in your life oftentimes lead to being miserable. but with break ups, grieving is much harder. if you know someone died, acceptance is way easier. When breaking up with someone, you still have in yourself the hope that you will win him/her back again even if you know to yourself that it will never happen.
4. to be martyr - well this does not apply for everyone. the rule does not necessarily means that you have to move on and just accept what happened to your relationship. it is also the time that you fix things and try to  get back together. but don't push way too much. some people does not want to push their selves to be with someone once they broke up and rather choose to be apart with them (for some reasonsss).
5. to have your 'ME TIME' - this is, i think personally, is the best during three months.your friends, family and relatives would also want to let you have time on your own. being with them will help a lot during the process but they will totally understand if you want to be alone - to think, to reflect, search for your self, to compose yourself again- away from different distractions (you will surely love to have that time-spend it somewhere quiet, or somewhere no one knows you).

There are more things to consider during 3-months, but those are i think the five most important. The But this rule, again, is not proven yet (as far as i know) by experts, or by some professionals (but is considered though as a medicine - for the unstable emotions you gained from being broken) 

However, upon browsing in the internet, some people sees this rule as:

• "you can only go on a date with other girl/guy after 3 months"
• "3-months is a timeline for you to move on"
• "one month to recover, one month to move on, and one month to find another love"
• and so on.. blah blah blah -__-

Personally, i am not seeing this rule as "giving yourself 3-months before you go out with someone else" or "give 3-months before you have another relationship" - those are full of craps, seriously. Because my own interpretation for this rule is that, this 3-months should be given to yourself in any way you want it to be. If the break up had full negative impact on you emotionally, then apply this rule, and it will totally help you be on your knees again (well, it still depends though on how you handle it). 

On the other hand, if someone just broke up with someone and it just so happen that he/she fell in love again within 3-months just after the break up, then so be it. Whether they love each other or they are just flirting, we shouldn't care, at all. If that is their way of moving on, by loving someone else that is better than their previous partner, then so be it. If they wanted to jump into another relationship just because the break up did not affect him/her, let them be. At the end of the day, it is their relationship, not ours. And if this 3-month rule is just a bunch of crap for them, we should not give a damn.

There are some people out there who are being judged on how they handle their break ups. Well for someone like me that really don't care on how people handle their 'moving on' stage, and just one of the adviser on the side, i personally do think that this 3-months thingy is just enough to give yourself to be sad, and cry all night or even 24/7, and be miserable, and grieve till you become numb. But definitely not the time to let yourself to move on. 3-months is not enough to move on, especially if you had that someone for so many years and had been  together for almost half of your life. This 3-month rule is really just for you get to the first stage, which is - ACCEPTANCE - and another set of time will be required for someone to go through this stage.

Whether there is a rule or not, i don't think going through stages after break up is an easy thing to do. One tough man will surely break down for this. And this is a life's cycle not unless you already found someone that you can be with for the rest of your life.

Conversation for Keeps :)

I happened to have a conversation with my new guy friend; the one who fell with a kid =)).. 

just the usual conversation with a buddy until wee hours..

I did not expect such a great companion will come up, but guess what,

i was wrong in not expecting such thing..

In a short period of time (it was like just 3hours,i think), we already had talked a lot of things..
some are for laughs,and most are serious topics..

There is one thing that I've realized at the end of our conversation..that is,

one should always think in two different sides..the positive side, and the negative side..

Think in a Positive way..

When we think positively, 
our thoughts keep us awake and it excites us to achieve a specific goal..

Think in a Negative way..

When we think negatively,
our thoughts make us see beyond what we should expect and it leads us to the reality,
which i think helps us to be able to know how to handle different cases or situations..

But this doesn't necessarily mean that the positive way is the fairy tale side.. 
It's just that, when we think positively, we could only have the happy thoughts 
because all we want to see are the things that we want to happen 
without being aware to the things that might happen unexpectedly.
Tendencies are, we became frustrated and often would not know 
how to handle such situations that are beyond our expectations..

In the middle of our conversation,
it ended up having both of us the questions that we've been asking in our life..

There are some things in life that we often question..
why other people act his way, and that;
why they think this way;
why they don't know how to value people or their relationship with them;
why they kept on thinking this way...~ blah blah blah~~

There are lots of questions that neither you nor I can answer instantly
when certain situation is being discussed..

it's like watching a movie without knowing its synopsis nor have watched its trailer..
we are clueless to what will happen next,
and we are thrilled to what we think will possibly happen next..

In reality, no one knows what will happen next to every decision you made or will make..
no one knows who will understand you deeply, and who will appreciate you truly..